A Nutty Scheme - In a nutshell, this is a story about a squirrel's misadventures with nuts, seeds, and friends.

  

     “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!”

All good stories start with a scream. And so in this story I am screaming. …Maybe I should start from the beginning;

My name is Nugget Von Nut, but nobody calls me that. Ever since I foolishly let fleas into my room everyone’s been calling me Itchy. I can’t see why they make fun of me, Fleas are very good roommates. (Excluding the itching) Anyway, It all started last Tuesday. (Before the screams)

It was a beautiful day in Twilight forest. The birds were chirping, the flowers were blooming, the…the... Oh, who am I kidding. It was a terrible-after-a-long-spring-rain-day. 

It was cold, it was wet, and I was in a terribly bored mood. So after the third time I tried to creatively stack our supply of nuts in a pyramid (and the third time they tumbled down with a loud crash), King Climer sent me out into the cold wet woods.

“Whatcha doing?” Jay asked as he swooped down beside me.

“Nothing. You?” I asked as I sprang ahead into the next tree.

“Nothing. You know the house just outside Twilight forest?”

“Uh, Yah?”

“And it's amazing seeds?”

“Duh.”

“Well someone put up another feeder! And only birds can get to it!”

“What!?” I exclaimed, almost losing my balance.

“No really! The feeder is on a tall pole in the middle of the yard.”

I scoffed. “That’s easy. I could get a seed from that feeder in two twitches of twitchy’s tail.”

“Yeah right. You couldn’t get one seed before Murtle the turtle could get off his shell!”

“Well I’d get them faster than you could catch a bug!”

“I- you don’t…! Arg!”

I had stumped Jay. Jay has one weakness and that is he can’t catch a single insect. Not even a caterpillar. 

“But you’re right, I couldn’t get one seed…I could get five.” I said.

“Prove it.”

“I will!”

I had no idea what I had gotten myself into.

Jay led me to the back of the house.

“Okay! Here we are. Now, go get those seeds.” Jay said.

With a deep breath and a itch of my ear, I dashed over to the pole and started climbing. But the pole was slick and I soon slipped back to the ground.

“Woof! Woof!” 

“Itchy, look out!” Jay screamed.

A giant doberman pinscher was hurtling toward me. He was one of the guard dogs of the house and didn’t take kindly to intruders.

“Run! Run! What are you doing!?” Jay cawed as I ran in the opposite direction.

“I’m not leaving without the seeds!” I declared through gritted teeth.

I ran up the stairs to the deck just as a german shepherd burst through the back door. Snarling, he leaped for me. I barely dodged him and jumped up on the railing. The only problem was I was running out of railing. The feeder was only a few yards away.

You can make it! I thought. With one last desperate leap, I flew towards the feeder. My claws just scratch the edge but it was enough for me to pull myself up and start gathering seeds. Just as I stuffed the last seed into my mouth, the third and final dog (a Bullmastiff) charged into the pole making it shake violently. I lost my balance and fell right into the path of a doberman pinscher, a german shepherd, and a bullmastiff.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!”

There! Now you’re all caught up. Now to see how it ends;

The german shepherd caught me in his teeth and threw me in the air, then the doberman pounded me to the ground-

“Um…itchy, that’s not how it goes.”

“Jay!? What are you doing!?”

“I’m saving your audience from complete confusion. Now tell them what really happened.”

“But I- But it’s so much cooler… ARRRGGG! Fine….”

Sorry about that, but it seems like I will have to tell you the “Real” story; there was a yorkie, a pomeranian, and a chihuahua guarding the house. And when I jumped onto the feeder I slipped and fell onto the ground and the chihuahua stepped on my leg. And you’re probably thinking, “Did he really make that all up for like, suspense!?” and the answer would be yes, yes I did. Anyway, in the end I broke my leg. I wasted no time climbing up the nearest tree and out of danger.

“Oh my goodness!!!! Itchy are you okay!? I'm so sorry!!!” Jay said, zooming down to me.

“Yah, I’m fine. Ow…” I answered with a wince.                                                                                          

When we arrived back at the tree I got the usual disapproving shake of King Climber’s head which showed he was very concerned for my well being.

“Itchy, what happened?” Twitchy (my brother) asked.

“I was attacked by rabid dogs.” I replied.

“Are you going to be okay?” he asked nervously.

“I may not make it…My wound is too great! Even Doctor Splash could not heal me…Gasp! I see the light! It’s getting brighter-” 

“He’ll be fine. Doctor Splash and his nurse Cinnamon Toast are on their way. By the looks of it he’s just sprained his leg.” King Climber assured Twitchy.

“When did you become a doctor? It’s obviously broken. Broken!” I exclaimed.

“Actually it looks more like just a twist!” Doctor Splash said, poking his long beak into our tree. 

Did I mention he was a blue heron? Well, you know now.

“Cinnamon Toast, snap off a twig and some leaves and bring them to me, if you will.” he asked as he examined my leg.

“Just because I can climb trees doesn't mean that I like them…” Cinnamon Toast muttered under her breath.

“Alright. Now, does this hurt?” Splash asked, poking his beak into my leg.

“You’re jabbing your big, pointy beak into my injured leg. Is it supposed to not hurt?” I asked.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I may have the knowledge of a doctor but with feathers and a bill I can't put it to good use.” Splash explained. “And that’s why I have Cinnamon Toast. Cinnamon!” 

“Coming!” she replied. Cinnamon Toast squeezed through our tiny tree door. (Foxes are very flexible) (Oh! And, yah, she’s a fox) Soon she had me in a splint of twigs and leaves and sent me to bed.

“Until next time Itchy!” Splash said before flying off.

Twitchy smiled. “I knew you would be okay!”

Jay, who was still there for some reason, approached me.

“I’m really sorry about your leg, Itchy. I can’t help but think this is partially my fault.” he said, looking at the ground.

“Nah, don’t mention it. I’ve been in worse scrapes than this!” I exclaimed, itching my back.

“Worse than being attacked by three rabid dogs?” Jay asked, smirking.

“Much much worse.” I said.

“Twitchy, are you ready for the nut gathering?” King climber asked.

“Ready as I’ll ever be!” Twitchy answered.

“Sir Earl, looks like you’ll have someone to play checker seeds with.” King Climber said. Sir Earl was an older squirrel who mostly sat around.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I mean you are staying here until your leg heals!” he ordered sternly.

“But my leg’s fine! Even after I got that bruise from messing with a mole’s worms you let me go on the nut gathering!” I protested.

“Itchy, this is the third time this month, this month, that you’ve hurt yourself!” King climber said sternly.

“You don’t get to decide that! I am going on the nut gathering whether you like it or not!” I shouted. Then I winced.

“Nugget Von Nut!” he exclaimed.

Oh boy I thought. Now I’ve done it.

King Climber never used my full name unless I was in big trouble.

“You are going to stay here as long as it takes for your leg to heal. Whether a week or a month! And that's final!” 

He and Twitchy left without another word.

“Well, I guess it’s just you and me now. How ‘bout a round of checker seeds?” Sir Earl asked in his old, creaky voice.

“No.” I answered flatly.

“Alright. What about some nutnopoly?” he asked.

“I don’t know…” I mumbled.

“Okay, how ‘bout you pick the game?” Sir Earl suggested.

“Fine…Do we have to play a game?” I asked, selecting “chestnut”. 

“Well if you don’t like getting beat, you should probably stick to sleep and snacks.” he chuckled.

“Getting beat? Please, I’ve played chestnut hundreds of times” I boasted setting up my nuts and seeds.

“You, being the guest, get to go first.” He announced.

I placed my sunflower seed farther up the checked oak bark board.

Sir Earl hopped his pistachio over his sunflower seeds onto the front.

“Just because they are seeds, does not mean you can eat them.” he laughed when I tried to nibble on one of my almonds. But since I had touched the seed, I had to play it. I moved it behind my sunflower seed.

Then Sir Earl took out my sunflower seed with his pistachio!

“Aw man…” I said as I set the seed to the side.

 Turns out Sir Earl was pretty good at “Chestnut”. Maybe waiting wasn’t so bad…?

The situation was grave for Sir Earl, half his seeds were gone and I was inching my way up with my peanut.

“You don’t have to use your most powerful piece,” he said.

“But that way nothing can stop me! I mean, come on, a sunflower seed couldn’t take down a walnut!” I exclaimed.

“But if it gets to the end,” he said, sliding his sunflower seed in the bottom left corner. “It becomes a peanut!” 

“Yah, but I can crush your peanut with my peanut!” I said.

“Not so fast! If you do that, your walnut will be in danger!” he said.

“Um…I…Well…” I stammered. He had me trapped!

“Your turn!” Sir Earl reminded me. I quickly moved my acorn next to my walnut.

“By focusing on knocking out my walnut, you forgot about your walnut! Never underestimate the power of the sunflower seed!”

Immediately he knocked out my peanut and pinned my walnut.

“Nooooooooooooo!!!” I exclaimed.

“Check nut!” he declared.

“Good game.” I muttered, itching my tail.

“Come now, don’t be a sour seed! You got so close!” Sir Earl insisted.

“I did! You're not half bad, Sir Earl.” I said grinning.

“And don’t worry ‘bout your leg,” he said. “It will heal in no time. I just know it!”

For my brother, may his foot heal ten times stronger!

-Whimsical Writer